Many people think I am selfish when I tell them that I believe in putting myself first; but I don’t think that I am.
We all look at and assess different areas of our lives, prioritizing and investing into them what we believe we need to. Those priorities change over time, depending on what stage of life we are in, what experiences we have gone through, and what our current needs and wants are.
I divide my life in general categories as follows, in no particular order: Love, Family, Career, Money, Friends, and Health. Those are broad categories which encompass other subjects and areas lumped under these terms.
At least one of those categories, sometimes two, takes the lead in terms of priority in a person’s life. For example, it could be Career (and Money), whereby a person’s main focus is to advance and excel in what they do, and become successful. To another person, it could be family, so finding the right person to settle down with, get married to, and have children with could be at the top of their list, and so on and so forth.
When you read the list of categories I mentioned, did you think that there is anything missing? Yes, there is a missing part, and in my world, it is integral: Me.
If I were to illustrate how I look at the different areas of my life, it would look something like this:
I didn’t always think this way. Some categories had their own priorities at different stages of my life; Career, for example, was at the very top, with the other categories falling a good distance behind, but with time, experience, and “wake up calls” from my body, I learned that, although it is true that balance is essential, more importantly, I could not give my very best to any area of my life or to anyone or anything, if the “Me” part was not okay.
How or when is the “Me” part okay? I believe it differs from person to person, and is definitely interrelated to the other categories. It is a bit more difficult to explain, and a big part of it is a feeling as much as it is a state of mind, body, and spirit. To me, some of the things it includes is mental clarity, physical wellness, and spiritual contentment; but I would also describe it as being and following your true self, being able to realize life for what it is, accept it, and learn to deal with it fully.
And what is “life as it fully is?” Life was never meant to, and never will be, perfect. If it were, it would be so boring! Life is meant to have obstacles, challenges, tests, good times, bad times, unexplainable things, ugliness, beauty, bad people, good people, curve balls, rough patches, unfairness, karma, complexity, simplicity and things that make you stop for a frozen moment in time, breathe in deeply, and breathe out with a smile across your soul. Such is life, and once you learn to accept that, no matter how good or bad things are, contentment settles in and you start listening to life more and seeing things you never noticed before. I am not perfect at doing this, I do lose my path sometimes, but I try to remember this as much as possible because I realize that it is the truth; it is what it is.
So, if taking the time to take care of Me is selfish, if keeping in touch with my true self, ensuring that my mind, body and soul are grounded and content so I can give my utmost to everybody and everything else in my life is considered “selfish”, then so be it… I am proud to be “selfish” if that is what it is. 🙂
Dina A.H. Shoman 
Excellent post 😉 I too am selfish (in this context)
The common wisdom goes: if you are selfish, you will probably be unhappy because you care little for anyone but yourself. Those who choose to sacrifice are admired in society and truly respected by themselves and others.
Selfish people end up not succeeding in relationships which are based on trust. When someone is seen to act selfishly, it undermines that trust.
Selfishness also often goes hand in hand with narcissism or arrogance. If you are selfish, you lose the ability to depend on people, and with time people stop depending on you. This means you end up lonely.
In addition, all selfish people display a very uncaring attitude and a strong “Me first” trait. They always put themselves and their needs on the forefront. They only give heed to their priorities, their goals and in the process would not think of anyone else.
You need to ask yourself who called you selfish? If it is from a false person or someone who wants to use you, then you are right to be selfish, but if it is from a true person or friend who you believe has been always there for you, then you really need to think twice!
I think you have completely missed the point and the meaning behind my post… Putting Me first is not selfish in the way you described, but on the contrary, it is ensuring I am in a situation where I can give 100% to others. And how is that selfish? It’s like a car in a way, or a doctor even… Who would want a doctor to operate when he is sick, hasn’t slept well, or is emotionally not ok? In a disaster or crisis situation, they can perform but for a very short time… Same with people, or myself in this case, when needed I know I can be there and be the responsible one, but on a constant basis, and to give the best, I need to make sure I am ok. Again, if you knew me well, you would know this, and if you knew and listened to your inner self more, you would realize this. We are all human, and we all deserve and should ensure we are ok first. We were blessed with life and a soul, and it is our duty to take care of it and live it.
I just found this when I did a little search, seems you used some of the things but twisted it out of context:
http://www.kjmaclean.com/Selfishness.php
Exactly my point.
اتفق ، لأنو إذا ما بتحب نفسك أولاً ، ما بتحب حداً
I read your post Dina and I like it, and I also like what “Never be selfish” wrote even if it was taken out of context. Both of you are right.
I will always ask my self “Who called you selfish? If it is from a false person or someone who wants to use you, then you are right to be selfish, but if it is from a true person or friend who you believe has been always there for you, then you really need to think twice!”.
Thank you both 🙂
I agree with “Never be selfish”
Well said all of you
I like what you all said.
The solution:
Thank you for sharing that!
Selfishness.
It is what people might call you depending on their experience with you, not what you can call yourself.
Always look at it through their eyes, and then decide if it was true to call you that or not.
The problem people face in their life is that they act selfishly, and realize later they did that when it is too late.
I lost my boyfriend because of that!
My two cents.
thanks never be selfish
am a 52-year old woman, and i believe what you said is true
my husband gave me everything and i was selfish with him, and now am with no one
The fact that you wrote this indicates that whoever said it is very important for you. They pushed you to write this beautiful piece!
True friends are those who are honest with you, not those who say what you like to hear.
Thank you everyone for your comments, honestly it not about who said it, because it was mostly during discussions rather than an actual accusation or opinion. The point of the post for me was the actual idea and way of thinking. Just to clarify 🙂
The selfish you gave me the power to be the selfish, content and giving person I am now 🙂
Hiba, I love having you in my life 🙂
thank you…it was great…i have a good image now to more important things in life.
The best defender of selfishness is Ayn Rand (who is my favorite philosopher). Ayn Rand believes (and I agree) that being selfish is the moral way. That “altruism” (the opposite of selfishness, which means sacrificing your own needs for the benefit of others) is a corrupt moral system.
I suggest you see this YouTube video on the subject matter.
To summarize some of the logical problems of altruism (definition: Altruism is the view that being moral necessitates that a person sacrifices his own well-being and interests, for the interests of others), is that:
– If being “charitable” and giving money to the needy is what makes a person moral, isn’t the act of taking the money immoral? If giving your money away is the “good”, does this mean that people taking the money are “evil”?! Does being “good” consist of serving vice?! [Since, taking money is a vice in this system]
The obvious logical contradiction is unavoidable. And there are deeper moral issues that can be raised about altruism. Although I understand that “altruism” is not necessarily the only way of not being “unselfish”.
Aren’t we all are!
Thanks Never Be Selfish. You just saved me!
Maybe you are selfish at the end of the day, and you can not just realise it !!!
Based on the drawing above and your subsequent explanation, this is perfectly normal and not selfish at all. Remember whoever says something to you it is just their opinion and not necessarily a fact.Yes you do need to be 100% ready all the time anf if that is selfish then I’m selfish too.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this Dina. Good read and lots to reflect on. The selfishness you describe is about building inner strength, confidence and balance. As we grow that within ourselves, through our choices and actions, we are helping to create a better self who will go on to work and play better with the world around us and the people we encounter. The betterness of Me, along with an open heart and mind, can only result in the betterness of Us.
[…] I am selfish… (dinashoman.wordpress.com) […]
Just stumbled onto this post via the “related blogs” section on my blog, and I’m glad for it. I’ve been a proponent of selfishness for some time, and often use the word “self-full” instead… it seems to get the message across in a clearer way and reduces some misunderstandings. Great post!
Thank you! I like that, “self-full” 🙂 people don’t get it and I agree totally misunderstand “selfish” unfortunately very few are open minded to see things, including words, in a different perspective. Thanks again.
Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully.
– Richard Bach
To feel much for others and little for ourselves; to restrain our selfishness and exercise our benevolent affections, constitute the perfection of human nature.
– Adam Smith
Selfishness is a natural result of inability to feel others and putting yourself in their shoes. No one can judge himself if he is selfish or not, but others can do that, Anyway, it is wiser to be selfless rather than selfish.